Thursday, November 17, 2011

finding yourself

ho la peeps!

hows the day going y'all? My day started kind of slow,woke up a bit late so i had to hustle from the house,so i was not late for work. Today i can say will be just ordinary,so lets see how it goes.

the topic on my mind is finding yourself. this term is very subjective, it could be about finding what makes you happy or what you love to do or finding out what you hate. it all depends on what your searching for in your inner self. My search has always been to find what makes me happy and what i would love to do career wise with my life. a lot of people that know me have always perceived me to be the highly intelligent,driven career girl that wants to reach the pinnacle of success. what they fail to realise that there is a constant battle with the other side of me that wants the husband and kids and the happily ever not saying i could get married tomorrow(i don't think am ready emotionally and mentally) but i DEFINITELY want that. the fear i have is can i have both worlds; can i be a career woman and at the same time be a loving mother and wife. this issue is very important and close to my heart because when i read in the papers of married women that have kids and have careers,it brings a smile to my face. alas! they are just  a few.

combined with this raging argument in my mind and heart is the fact that i have not found what it is i want to do with my life......yet. i think i have a very good idea but at the same time am not sure. i grew up wanting to be in the spotlight.which one? that's the million dollar question. there are soooo many things i want to achieve. i want to travel to exotic places and meet different personalities. i want to write and speak for the women of my generation, i love to look good and talk to interesting people and get to know them. at the same time i love to read and have i also want to have a regular life. it seems am a scattered person but all these thoughts run riot through my brain and am afraid that i might go through life without finding out WHAT IT IS exactly am SUPPOSED to be doing because i love to do so many things.

I know am not the only individual out there who is young or old that is going through this dilemma. the only advice i can give is keep thinking and dreaming and one day we might need to take that step of the cliff...there is a risk that we might crash and burn but there is also the possibility that we might soar and never look back. its a terrifying thought but i guess that whats being an adult is all about.

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